Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I am great (no really, I am)

So remember how I mentioned yesterday my head was spinning a million directions after last night's Esther study?
One thought I was trying to wrap my mind around was "Haman stepping off."
As a little background reminder, Haman is the "villain." He sentences all of the Jews to death (Esther is a Jew).
Haman is interested in fame, in honor, in power.
He wants to do great things and to be someone great.
The entire time I've read about him, I've thought what an awful person, who could live like this?

But the truth is, I'm not always that different from him.

Growing up, I wanted to stand out, I wanted to be different. I liked being known, I liked feeling in control and I liked feeling like I had the power.
Okay, so it's not at all on the same scale as Haman. I wasn't seeking control over an entire country, just wanted to be the president of my class, of most of the organizations I was in, and the United States of America (okay that last one hasn't happened yet but the dream was there...).
I basked in the 'glory' of awards and honors. I loved being elected a state officer and named a state "student of the year." Then, as an adult, in my first "real" job, I loved being named a national "outstanding educator of the year" my first year on the job.
It wasn't until I took another position and didn't receive an award that I realized I had been feeding off of them.
I liked the "honor" and the "glory." I liked the attention. I liked the feeling of being appreciated.
I felt like I was doing something great. I thought I was going to be someone great.
Sadly, I thought that receiving awards was a great measure of success to show that I truly had become someone great.


The truth is, I was wrong.

(I know. You're shocked. But it's true... )

as much as I hate to say it..... I. was. wrong.

The glory isn't mine. I didn't do any of that. I don't deserve any awards. I didn't earn a single one of them.

It's. all. His.

He did that. He worked through me. He even blessed me with some awards along the way, as undeserving as I was am (yeah, I'm guessing he knew I needed a confidence booster at the time).

You see, it's not the awards, the titles, or the honors that make us great. And while we are called to the fame of Jesus, it's not our glory. It's His. It's all His.

He doesn't want us to do a million things for His kingdom (which is good, because I'm guessing I cant). That's not what makes us great in His eyes.
But I can do a few.

I can stop being afraid of being mediocre and stop trying to do great things.
I can allow myself to be great in Him. Just like he wants me to.

At after school club tonight, the students were working on a building challenge. Part of their points came from how high they could build their tower to hold a golf ball. Another part of their points came from being able to knock the golf ball out of the work area at the end. They were focused on getting the highest number of points possible for the highest tower. According to the points the tower could be 60" tall. They decided they wanted to make it as tall as they could, their goal being 60" tall. The big problem was that they didn't have 60" of materials to work with in the first place and even if they stretched the materials as tall as they could to build a tower, it wouldn't be sturdy enough to support a golf ball. Having focused all of their energies on this goal, when the timer went off, they had no tower and hadn't even set up the golf ball to attempt to get the second part of their points.
You see, while they were trying so hard to do great things, they were disqualified for not even completing the small task.

Lord, please help me to be great in You. Help me to set my focus on using the gifts You give me and doing what You would have me to do. Don't let me be so focused on doing something great that I forget about all of the small tasks that make me great in You. Please remind me (often) that being great in You is not the same as being great by the world's standards. And thank You so much that it's not! Amen.

No comments:

Post a Comment